Have I Got a Deal For You...
by Annie P
Summary: First guestfic in my SB universe. ::sniffle:: I'm so proud... Clark is desperate and the Devil offers a solution.


Title: Have I Got a Deal For You...  
Author: Kel  
Rating: R  
Pairing: Clark Kent/Lucifer  
Summary: Clark wants to sell his soul to the Devil.  
Notes: For the "Strange Bedfellows" series by KC.  
Archive: Ask KC first  
  
Have I Got a Deal For You  
  
Clark looked desperately around the little room KC had given him. *Stupid rules anyway,* he thought sourly. *Can't even be with Lex cause she won't do people from the same place.* He settled in to do a great deal of pouting when his nostrils flared.  
  
Brimstone. Clark... smelled brimstone. And sulfur. And a lot of other hellish-type smells. And all of them were coming from the other side of the door. Which had actually been a wall before, but when you're in KC's world, anything could happen, he mused. Getting to his feet, he threw open the door.  
  
His jaw dropped.  
  
"Hello there, Mr. Kent. I might... be able to help you out."  
  
"Who... what... okay, come in." Clark shook his head, trying to get the cobwebs out. Barefoot and barechested, the man in front of him had a mane of chestnut hair, both on his head and his chest, and his jeans were worn and faded--especially over the knees and seat, as though those parts in particular had seen a lot of action. "Who are you?"  
  
"Well, Clark... I have quite a few names. Some of which you might actually know. But, to be frank... I'm the Devil. And... I'm here to grant you one wish. All you have to do is trade me your soul." The person claiming to be the Devil smiled widely, showing off a flash of teeth in a falsely gratiating smile.  
  
"The... Devil?"  
  
"Yes, the Devil." A flash of flame that obscured the man's figure and a rushing waft of brimstone permeated the room. Then in a second it died down to reveal the same man, vamped out and made up as a Halloween-type devil. "If you prefer the fallen angel persona, I'm afraid we'll have to find a larger room because my flaming wings are quite a pain in the ass to deal with."  
  
Clark's jaw dropped. "You're... really the Devil."  
  
"Yes, I am." Lucifer smirked. "And I know that you're actually an alien from the planet Krypton who will grow up to be Superman. Don't deny it, Clark. I make it my business to know these things. I *do* still have a few connections upstairs, you know."  
  
"Um... wow. Um. No, I didn't know. And wait, only one wish? I thought I got seven wishes?"  
  
"No, I'm afraid not. That's only in the movies, my young friend." Lucifer tapped his chin. "Do I look like Elizabeth Hurley to you? Although I could, if that's the form you'd rather I appear in."  
  
"No! Um... no. This is... great. I like this." Clark swallowed hard. Had he really said that?  
  
"I thought you might," was the Devil's only answer.  
  
Clark blushed again. Yes, he'd said it out loud, apparently. "You know... come to think of it, you look very familiar."  
  
"You don't say."  
  
"Actually, yeah. I do say. You look a lot like my friend's father."  
  
"Lionel Luthor, I presume?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"I've been told the resemblance is quite uncanny, up to the point more than a few people have actually called him Satan, and several more, including his son, believe that he truly is my incarnation on Earth."  
  
"Is that true?"  
  
"What, that Lionel is me? No, I'm afraid not. Merely coincidence, despite the appearance and the attitude. But, I'm flattered, Clark. No one has *liked* it before."  
  
More blushing. And oh hell. Literally. At least he could *try* and say the Devil had made him do it. "Yeah. Um. Well. Back to this deal thing?" And the blush was getting so hot he was starting to sweat, because he was *really* hot looking without the business suit on and wait--this was the *DEVIL.* You don't think things like that about the devil.  
  
Lucifer's smirk widened. "Actually, you do. That's rather the whole point of being the Devil."  
  
"What?" Clark's eyes were panicked.  
  
"You *are* supposed to think things like that about the Devil. That's the whole point of being bad."  
  
"You--you're--reading my mind?"  
  
"It's an easy read, Clark. How else do you think I knew you were willing to sell your soul to get back together with Lex?"  
  
"Um... George just lucky, I guess?"  
  
Lucifer actually laughed, and when he laughed, the foundations shook. It was frighteningly exhilarating. "Not bad at all, Clark. Not bad at all. Very few people find the balls to joke with the Devil. I'm impressed.   
  
"Wow. That's... wow. I don't... okay, no. I never thought I'd be impressing Satan. That's just... out of my realm of belief."  
  
"Thinking naughty thoughts about, on the other hand... is in your realm of belief?" Lucifer queried.   
  
"Um... well, no, not exactly. It's just... okay. Look at it like this. It's not you, exactly, it's just... you. Cause... you look like Lionel. And... I never thought he was hot before. But... yeah. And okay. You are just... yeah. Fuck. Okay. Let's try that again. You look like Lionel Luthor, who is hot but not, because I've never seen him, and please, God, don't tell Lex I said that. But you... okay, you're hot, and I can *see* how hot you are, and that's what I'm *not* thinking."  
  
Lucifer looked faintly distressed. "Clark, if we're going to do business, I'm going to ask that you *not* invoke His name. He tends to get cranky if He's dragged into my business."  
  
"Oh. Yeah. Well, I can see where that would suck."  
  
"Exactly. Now, down to business." Lucifer straightened as he paced in a small circle around Clark. "Now. I'm prepared to offer you your one wish. But... there's something we have to ascertain first."  
  
"Oh. Um... what's that?"  
  
Lucifer's smirk was back. "Whether or not you're worthy of it. See, despite all the propaganda out there, I'm really a rather fair individual. You prove to me that you can make good use of the wish I'm going to give you, and I'll grant it. Otherwise... I'll just wait for you to screw up in life and claim your soul then."   
  
Clark's eyes were wide as saucers. "What... how do I prove it?"  
  
"Do to me what you'd do to Lex. So we can... test you." The smirk nearly consumed his entire face. "And I mean now, Clark."  
  
"You want me to... and then let you... um... but... okay." Clark warred with the notion for quite some time, but hell, this was *Lex* he was trying to get back to. "Okay. Let's do it."  
  
~ * ~ * ~   
  
Almost three hours later, the smell of brimstone and fire was heavy in the small room. Clark was stretching and massaging the rope burns from his wrist and ankles, and Lucifer was lounging against the wall, jeans discarded and smirking a completely satisified smirk. "All right, Clark. You've got a deal."  
  
"Oh no you don't!!" The door to the room flew open and in strode KC. "Okay, guys. I don't mind you shaking the house, I don't mind the kinky sex, and I don't even mind that you guys used the last of the duct tape! But there is *no* trading going on here. Everybody's everything belongs to *me!*"  
  
"But KC!" Clark wailed, trying to pull up his jeans. "I'll never get Leeeeeeeeeex!"  
  
"And I do believe I'm owed something for services rendered," Lucifer pointed out.  
  
"You! Stop whining! You will get Lex! Just... later! And you! You didn't give anyone a service, and you just got three hours of kinky sex with Clark! Don't go there!"  
  
As KC stormed out, there were two very out-of-sorts men left in her wake.  
  
"Want to do it again?"  
  
"Of course."  
  
The End 


End file.
